Where are we?

Do you know the old saying that the older you get the wiser you get?  As a result of the hoards of little gremlins, begging for candy the other night, I had some time to sit and use my superior intelligence to ponder the wonders of the evening.  Anyway, as I sat there on my rocking chair listing to KDKA on my trusty IPAD, my mind drifted back to the good old days. It went something like this. Since I did (do) have superior intelligence, and had a reputation as a responsible lad, my school bestowed the honor to me of being a safety patrol! For those who do not know the responsibilities of the safety patrol here is some education for ya. We had to  control of the hallways, playground and cafeterias, and the bus. Now on the bus I had to ensuring that all the kids crossed the street in front of the bus at every stop. To perform this task, evolved jumping off of the school bus, then running out in front of the bus putting my arms out to stop traffic, could you imagine doing this today! The lawsuits would be incredible!  And yes we did not have to walk home up a hill for three miles (both ways) in the driving snow, but we did in fact have to walk further than the 100 feet, like they do today! Today they make a stop at every street crossing, and the buses have this long steel arm that comes out to protect the little bundle of joys, they then get into the mini-van and are driven the 100 yards to their homes.  Before I get back to my original point of this blog, I have a little story to tell. Did you all know that I was given the honor of being a GOLD safety patrol? If you already know this then to bad! Well it was a dark rainy cold afternoon, and our 1943 bus was coming up Glen Ave, and at the worst possible spot it caught fire! I being the superior, responsible intelligent, brave person sprang into action! After the bus came to a complete stop, I opened the rear emergency door, jumped out, stopped all of the traffic and lead the bus load of little kinds to safety! The flames were 10 foot tall, since there was no such thing as cell phone, the bus driver and I risked life and limb, and fought the fire, until it was extinguished! Since I did not want the parents to worry about their little bundles of joy, after the fire was over, I walked each and every kid home!  The next day at school I was awarded the GOLD safety patrol badge, for bravery, exceptional decision making, quick thinking, and putting the safety of others in front of my own! If you would like, some time I could give the full details of that heroic act, but back to Halloween. I would go straight home change my cloths, dark dress pants, white button down shirt and a fine navy blue tie, man I was dressed to kill! I then headed out to deliver the papers to all of those wonderful candy giving neighbors! Since it was Halloween night I had a little extra bounce in my step, and was able to make it back home a little before 6:00 to gulp down my dinner. While I was eating I would figure out what I was going to use for a  consume. Next stop was the cellar to find the oldest nastiest things I could put on my body, for I was going to be a hobo, I guess in today’s proper society, they would be called a homeless person. Today if I dress up like that the ACLU would have my parents in court, for discrimination, or some other such nonsense! At this point in time I was ready to meet my friends and go out for some candy! We would be gone for the next several hours, going back to all of the same houses I was just delivered papers. Now comes the part where if I were wiser back then I would change things. If I had a do over this is how it would have gone down! The bus ride would remain the same, but after that it would all change! I would go home and have a nice dinner, then about 5:30, and then grab my wagon filled with 100’s of papers and my pillow case, not have changed my fancy school duds, and hit the streets. Think of the advantages: First I would not have to walk the same route twice on same night, second, my customers would be eating dinner so they would be home, I would just hand them their paper and say “Trick or treat” (does anyone actually say that)! Using this method would cause them to run back in and get me the candy, seeing that I was alone; they would feel sorry for me and thus give me extra candy! Oh! Not to mention that I was loved by all the neighbors, any they would not feel bad about giving me a little extra! I also heard stories about the tricks that kids play, you know smashing pumpkins, soaping windows, TPing houses, putting shaving cream on cars, egging houses etc. Can you imagine doing that! Just think about that, when you got up in the morning, you would not have what you needed to SS and S, and worst of all not eggs for breakfast, what a waste of some quality items!   Back to today. What are parents thinking! They spend so much money on costumes! I had several kids come to my door in costumes that cost more than my Sunday best, which I purchase at Belk! For example, there was a girl who was dressed as Dorothy from the wizard of Oz. She had everything down to the ruby shoes,  she even had the little dog in the basket! I could only imagine how much that cost someone. In order for her to break even on that investment, she would need to get a truck load of candy! I will not talk about the older kids who come around, but the nerve of some of the parents! I had several parents who came (I will be nice here) strolling up to my house with a baby in toe, asking for candy. Now who do they think they are fooling, these kids are not even on solid food yet! Hey it takes all kinds!

Words of wisdom: If I could do it yesterday, I can still do it today.