Take a load off!

As I waited for the Friday afternoon rain to stop, I began the depressing task of packing for the long trip home after one more intellectually inspiring vacation to Kiawah. I gave our beach chairs the  place of honor (just like Aunt Edna) by tying them down on top of the good old 4 wheeled drive sleigh, and saying to myself “Self, We might be able to use our chairs for one more year”. After arriving at the good old homestead, enduring twelve intense hours of driving, what choice do I have other than to begin the meticulous process of chair preservation? I started by giving each chair a cleansing shower which washed away the beach residue while leaving all of their fond memories. I put special oil on all of their joints so that they would not creek and moan, as my joints do, and carefully placed them in a climate controlled spot in their home (the good old shed). This would ensure they would rest comfortably for the following year before coming out of their slumber to once again support my old fat butt for another week on the beach. (Fast forward to this year) We are approaching critical preparation time (in just a few days) so I decided it was time to  start thinking about vacation, why I wait until the last minute, I will never know! One hot humid Saturday afternoon, I went out to the shed and decided to awaken the chairs from their long slumber and gently bring them back into beach shape.  Upon arriving at the shed I realized that I did not have the key to the security system that I installed this past winter. You all remember, the one that I drilled a hole in my finger while installing the lock, the injury was well worth the pain knowing our beach chairs were  resting comfortably, in a secure facility(Shed). My finger will eventually heal, and I know my family appreciates the pain and suffering that I am willing to endure for your beach time pleasure.   I retrieved the key opened the door and to my amazement the facility (shed), was packed! Every square inch was taken as if squirrel was storing nuts, in this case junk. I proceeded to unload the shed in a effort to find the precious cargo, I got thru the Snow shovels, Easter, chandeliers, bike parts, vacuums, as I got to the Christmas items, ball of lights, our Santa statue, and the illuminated deer that somehow I had forgotten to unplug from the big ball of lights, what a tangled web we weave! (Looks like we are going to have fun decorating the house this year) I knew that I was getting close when I spotted the bogie boards, then as if the sun was rising over the ocean at Kiawah I spotted them!  I removed them carefully, and carried them to the front yard, to my dismay, it was time to get ready for church, so I put them in the garage, and could only spend the next several hours, wondering if they survived their long slumber. As a side note: Some voice in my ear was telling me  all about the junk that was thrown all over the back yard which earlier in the day so carefully removed for the shed and place neatly over my plateaus estate, no rain in sight, it is going to get dark, why would I care what the neighbors think, I will put it away tomorrow, I  have more important things to do, I am tired, the Rex is kicking in, I lost the key, do you want dinner, I am afraid of the dark, I have some homework to do.   Later that evening, I received some invaluable advice from a trusted old wise man in the form of a text message, it simply stated: why don’t you and the chairs take a walk thus getting me in shape for the many compelling journeys back in forth from the beach. What faced me now was the opportunity to get into “chair carrying shape” or I could put the STUFF back in the shed, guess what choice I made. I immediately took his sage advice the chairs and I began waddling back and forth on the street. In retrospect, I wonder if the wife and daughter and Mr. Bill were talking about what the neighbors would think if they saw me walking back and forth with those chairs, but then again, they probably said to each other, the neighbors know your father!   The next afternoon, I was finally able to spend some quality time with the chairs. The chairs and I left the comfort of the garage and proceeded to the yard so I could determine if they were in condition to provide our clan service for another year. I began a close safety inspection and to my disappointment, it looks like the elements won the fight, the rust had spread like a cancer. My diagnosis was that some major surgery would be necessary.  I retrieved my surgical instruments: chainsaw, wire brush, sand paper, hammer, and black paint for my safety a pair of leather gloves, and hockey mask, and began the long tedious task of reviving our old friends. I got 99% of the exterior rust removed, and covered the affected areas with some nice black paint that was re-purposed (this was an emergency). By the end of the day, the surgery was completed, and it appears that all but one survived. This repair although effective, just did not present the chairs in their best light, for the beautiful lime green and ocean blue of the chairs were now spattered and spotted with black paint, the situation began to weigh heavily on my ego. While spending Friday and Saturday evenings waddling back in forth on my street, provided me ample time to ponder the corrective action, all at once it hit me, paint the whole chair one color! You will all be happy to know that, as of today they are now all one color (kind of)! Now they will not have to feel self-conscious, when they are sitting on the beach enjoying the sun, or sitting out in the ocean.  I have used all of my expertise in outdoor furniture restoration to provide them one more year of enjoyment. I do not want give a premature prognosis, until we run some tests, but I do have to say I am a little concerned, about their upper limits as far as strength. Let’s face it they are ageing, their pipes are riddled with rust, the struts are corroded, which will lead to a possible failure of the pipes, leading to rust stains on my new swimming attire or a strut failure which would leave one just sitting directly on the sand. The ultimate test will be conducted on the first use, after I, eat 6 lbs of pasta, 5 cans of Mrs. Hunt’s spaghetti and 400 Wal-Mart meatballs! 

Words of wisdom:  As much as we try to hold on, THINGS come and go, it is painful and sometimes expensive, but they can be replaced.  

BTW, this year when you-all load up in the fictional RV and come down, to enjoy a couple of fresh turkeys, the chair restorations in the front yard will only enhance your holiday experience!