RC

You know it has been a while since I have blogged about our new show “reality Check” (RC), so here we go! One night after a great dinner and bottle (S) of Rex several of us, decide to step out of our comfort zone to get a little taste of how the other half lives. We chose a DD and loaded up in the Chrysler 300. Off we went to the other side of the tracks Oh I mean island. I was in rare form, showered, shaved, with every last hair on my head in place, all decked out in Belk’s best casual ware. It was a good thing that GQ was not on the island or I would have gotten the September cover! As were cruised down the strip passed all of them million dollar mansions with the cement ponds, I could not help but to pray that someday I would reach the pinnacle (not the golf ball) of greatness that would allow me to own a Deluxe summer cottage on the upper east side. Movin-on-up to the east side! We finally reached the ocean course, bar and grill. No comments on the name of the joint Today show, Good morning America, Regis and Kathy Lee, it is all the same. This place had Beer, and could make you a burger therefore a bar and grill! The parking attendant directed us to the south 40 where we parked among the weeds, bugs, sand , snakes and gators. While hiking to the club house, it became very obvious why they directed us there: first our DD did not have a funny little drivers cap, second our ride was made in the good old US of A. I guess that our fine ride just was not of the pedigree, to park in the main lot, it surly was not because of me! Between the weeds and the darkness they effectively hid our ride! After what seemed to be hours, I was now full of perspiration out of breath and well the part in my hair… we finally made it. The air, although cool and refreshing,  was so full of the scent of greed, opulence, arrogance, conceit,  it made me feel as if I got my Belk’s best casual ware from the discount rack at the Salvation Army! As we proceed thru the club house searching for a chair, I could feel hundreds of eyes following me. I could hear them whispering things such as: who let him in here, how much money do you think he has, what a handsome man, why is his shirt so wet, my butler dresses better than that when he is cleaning up after the dog, the rest just  turned their heads and smirked. We found a nice place outside at the end of the portico, and had the most splendid time talking among ourselves. After about an hour or so I need to excuse myself and take a trip to the men’s room, well I am here to tell you is not true that those kind of people ____ doesn’t stink, I walked in walked out and found myself nice tree outside in the back forty, with my friends the gators.  Upon returning, I finished my drink, while having engaging conversation with my companions. As with anything all good things must end, so we decide it was time to go back from where we came.  We hiked back to our car and for the life of us we could not find our way out of the back forty, we had to wait until one of them rich folks came out and we followed them the road.   On the ride back instead of praying for all of that money, I could only thing of some famous words from Dorothy    “there is no place like home”.

Words of wisdom: We are always looking and asking for material things, but when we seek and ask what we are given is what we really need.

It is not Christmas, untill the Turkey is gone!

As we approach the Christmas buying season, I know that you are all racking you brains to figure out what to buy me! Not to worry I will tell you! I want THINGS! All kinds of THINGS, Big THINGS, Little THINGS, red THINGS blue THINGS… I don’t really need anything, but give it some time, and I sure can convince myself that I need all kinds of THINGS!

No,  this is not going to be a Christmas story. You all know that we cannot start anything to do with the Christmas season, until the last dish is put in the dishwasher on Thanksgiving night! When.. well you know what happens…

Does anyone remember Thursday Aug 15^th? Well of course you do not; it would take a mind far more capable, than anyone that I might be associated with. Wait a gosh darn minute, I am that person! For a little background it started off as a cool overcast day, the beach walk was short but sweet, as was the bike ride. It then started to rain, at this point all the crying and complaining started. By about noon, everyone was obsessed with the THINGS part of their brains and left me all alone. Go figure! Depressed rejected and just feeling unwanted, I decided that it was time to weather the storm, and do what no other man was willing to do, go sit my fat butt on the beach. The way I have it figured the beach has the ocean, and it is water, on a day like this I did not even have to make an effort to get out of my chair, the water will come to me! Just tell me I don’t have superior intelligence! I got my suit on and headed for the beach. Upon arriving the tide was higher than you could imagine! The waves were breaking over the front legs of the chairs. This was going to be the best beach day ever! All I had to do was sit there, the rain was pounding down, and my feet were in the ocean, it took no effort!  Well I sat there for a spell, and then decided to walk up to the shine of Rex and see if I could get me some of that free coffee. By the time I got there, all of the free stuff was gone! This means that I have to break into my fanny pack and get me some cash!  I had to pay so much for a cup of True Value  coffee that next year one of the stops on the mandatory morning beach walk is going to be the shine of Rex! The way I have it figured, 10 people 5 days is 50 free cups of coffee that should even me out!  On the way back to my chair I noticed that I was the only person on the beach. I recon I was the only one MAN enough on the island to withstand the 40 knot winds and torrential rain. (At least there was no lighting).  I removed my parka, and place my body into the wet chair, and immediately proceeded to  intellectual thoughts. My dreams were all about the THINGS I do not need but really want! For example, a 50lb bag of dog food, some light bulbs,  a duck call, a camo covered Lincoln limo, it never stopped!  It was wonderful.  Then But all of a sudden I was taken from my thoughts, but a loud noise behind me. I quickly turned around and there was a big dog, noising around in the garbage, he saw me and took off to the next can. That got me to thinking.. Why do we love going to Kiawah each year? It is not about the things, for all you really need (here is the list for next year: 3 bathing suits, 4 pair of underwear, church going duds, 1 pair of tennies, 1 pair of flip-flops, sunglasses, 1 gym shorts, 3 shirts or tops, 1 toothbrush, 1 toothpaste, actually you don’t need that if you are staying at the hotel for a night.. you can also get the soap and shampoo there as well , 1 comb, or brush (I don’t need to bring that either but I have to bring some kind of head cover) some cash for food, chairs, optional a beach towel and finally the Rex . So if that is all we all need to have a great time at the beach, then why for the other 51 weeks a year, do I peruse that all mighty THINGS?  I sat there in the coooold rain and wind, and made my brain go into overdrive to figure this one out. As the afternoon wore on, the wind and rain stopped, and the sun made it first appearance for the day. Just as that happened It came to me. It is not the THINGS that make it so special; it is the people that make it so special!

Words of Wisdom: Do let your britches get stuck with your own pitch fork.